


Question of worthiness

by Cirilla9



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Conversations, Dialogue Heavy, Implied/Referenced Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 20:44:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14028372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cirilla9/pseuds/Cirilla9
Summary: The most liberating talks are apparently made in the skies. A short conversation between Bucky and Steve





	Question of worthiness

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place while on that helicopter in Civil War

\- I'm just not sure I'm worth all this, Steve.

Steve for his part does not pretend to misunderstand or offer empty words of false comfort. He thinks of what to say before giving an answer, which is mostly true, at least for him, for the boy from Brooklyn that saw Bucky as his older ideal friend.

\- What you did all these years, it wasn't you.

And he believes it. The point is, Bucky doesn't. Not wholly.

\- I know, - he says, - but I did it.

And then he presses on before Steve can add anything because it's always taxing to talk about these things, so he wants to prolong the moment when it already lasts, to threw it out of himself all at once.

\- It wasn't my fault, you would say. I was their weapon, the gun, the _Asset_. It's not the pistol that kills but the hand that pulls the trigger. But there is difference between what they did to me and what I did myself. I can handle the memories of their treatment, but I cannot forgive myself for all the lives I've taken. The gun does not have nightmares at night, the gun has no guilty conscience. I do. Why should I live when I'd killed so many innocent people?

Steve's mouth tremble slightly, almost unnoticeably but Winter Soldier sees anyway. He feels bad for doing this to him but it's better to tell him the truth.

\- For me? - speaks Steve tentatively. - I know it's... egoistic for my part but for so many years I thought you dead and then I saw you on that bridge. Different, theirs but still alive. And now when you're finally free of them-

\- Am I? You saw what Zemo did to me with these few words. I'm still at their every beck and call. Two years, Steve. I was on my own for two years. I almost started to believe I'm free, that it's possible to be free of HYDRA. But how wrong were I proved - he laughs darkly, unamused, - one book was all it took, a single page from a book, ten words in sequence.

Steve does not even twitch his lips in an answering smile.

\- We'll find a way to overcome that, - he says with jaw clenched in determination and eyes sparkling.

Bucky stares at him, seeing the very image from war postcards that come to Steve so naturally. He wasn't just a tool of propaganda then. He believed what he did was right. He always did. No matter if the war was worldwide or limited to his backyard.  
And strangely enough, Bucky still can't resist it. Looking at Steve he sees that tiny boy picking up a fight against all odds only because he believed he was right. And fool as he clearly is even now, he jumps in to join the little idiot in his knight's quest.

\- We'll try to find a way, - he agrees.

 


End file.
